The Possibility of Romance is Over

 Could the greatest romance of your life last only one night?

Last night I had another non-date date with a male friend. Awkward would be an understatement. I was over dressed. He was an hour late and didn’t realize it was just going to be the two of us. I was nervous and had three glasses of champagne before he arrived. Dinner was rushed and uncomfortable and I couldn’t hear a word he said because of the very loud and drunk birthday party behind us.

After dinner we went for a long walk in West Hollywood. Window shopped for furniture for the house we will never have together. Talked about religion, politics, having kids, our past relationship and why they failed. Bought a éclair at Canter’s Deli at midnight and devoured it while walking in the pouring rain, which I don’t recommend.

I wanted to stay friends with him, but by the time I got home I knew I couldn’t be just friends. I really liked him and I was willing to risk our friendship for a relationship. He wasn’t. So, now we are neither friends or lovers. 

Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?

 I met a guy last month that isn’t my typical physical type. He has a full head of hair (I usually go for bald or shaved) and he has a beard (I’ve never been attracted to facial hair), but there was something about him that from the second I saw him I knew I was in trouble. As I write this, I realize just how crazy it sounds that in that moment I knew this stranger was going to a good friend or something more. As I’ve gotten to know him, I have developed a bit of a crush on him, but I didn’t know if he liked me as anything more than a platonic friend.

We like the same things, hang out at the same places and he’s just as OCD as me. We’ve been going out together three to four nights a week, sometimes as a group and more recently just us together. But, it was unclear if we were going out on dates or just hanging out as friends. He was always paying and he would walk me to my car and kiss me on the cheek, but I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. So one day I asked him and he said he just wanted to be friends and I responded with “Ok. Good” (which was a lie). The next day we went out on what I can only describe as the most awkward yet really fun non-date, date.

I had a feeling that he had just said he only wanted to be friends for the same reason I had, I didn’t want to jeopardize the friendship. So I decided I would bring my A game and really test the waters. The next night we went out with a group of friends and I wore a very sexy dress with an open back and a pair of to die for five-inch heels. If he were interested in me I would know that night. One to many drinks later we woke up no longer just friends.

He is great, a total gentleman, he can even cook, but now I'm regretting our drunken night together. Our relationship had changed, whether we wanted it to or not. I'm over analyzing our conversations and his text messages and I worry if we pursue a relationship it will jeopardize our long-term friendship. I knew what I was doing when I wore the dress and I got what I wanted, but did I? 

Spinster

Three years ago I broke off my engagement to a guy who was thirteen years older than me. He had the personality of a teenager and the looks of a twenty year old. Which I found funny and charming when I was twenty, annoying and irresponsible when I was closer to thirty.

We were together off and on for eight years, engaged twice, wedding dress bought, venue booked. But, six months before the wedding I pulled the plug on the fairytale. It was just that, a fantasy.

I was going through the motions and pretending I cared what color the flowers were or what the invitations looked like. One could argue that he wasn’t right, which I came to realize was true many years later. But, I think I’m just not the marrying type. I like long-term relationships, but I also like knowing that I’m not legally attached to the person when the romance dies. Which in my case it always does.

After a year apart we got back together (Yeap! I’m a glutton for punishment), got engaged again, but never got around to picking a wedding date.  It took me four more years to finally realize we were not right together. We tried to stay friends, but the past couldn’t be forgotten and was overshadowed by the bitter ending.

Maybe one day I will meet the elusive Mr. Right, until then I’m going to live my life and enjoy being single.

She's Not That Into You

Have you ever met someone and had such a great chemistry that it felt like you had known each other forever? I ask this, because a little while back I met a guy from an online dating site and we had such a great time together. Even though I was forty minutes late (That was the night I realized people weren’t joking about traffic being horrible in LA. Didn’t help that I got lost too.) and we were the only people at the bar it didn’t feel awkward.

The thing was he was a bit heavier than his pictures looked and he looked a few years older than he said he was. My type is usually thin and tall; he was short and a little overweight. I really liked his personality, but I just wasn’t physically attracted to him. I was hoping (as I stupidly do too often) that if I hung out with him more that I would eventually become attracted to him. After four more dates it become obvious that he really liked me and I was just not that into him.

He would be a great male friend, but he said he didn’t want to just be friends and so we are back to being strangers shopping for love online. 

Burger Well Done

I’ve debated whether or not to talk about my recent ex, but since we are never ever getting back together, he’s fair game now. As relationships go, this one was a relatively short one, six months of happiness or so I thought.

We were never right for one another and although there were plenty of warning signs I stupidly hoped that his quirks would grow on me. He had so many great characteristics that are so rare to find in a man or at least the ones I've dated. He was very loving, caring, supportive and affectionate, but he was also very judgmental, stubborn, a super picky eater and ultimately a jackass.

He was very stuck in his ways. Almost forty, he had never been married or engaged, he was afraid of commitment (red flag), thought that having children was selfish, thought that going out for drinks or food during the week was abnormal and he only ate burgers well done, Margarita pizza or well done chicken. Which even if you aren’t a huge foodie like me still makes dining out anywhere decent nearly impossible.

I had originally nicknamed him “Rainman” because without fail his schedule every day was so predictable. But, since I was dumped via text he’s become Berger from the Sex and the City. Although I still think being dumped on a post-it is probably worst than in a texting conversation that started with him saying, “We need to talk” and my response being “What are you dumped me?” which was followed by him saying “Yea, pretty much.” When I returned to his place, after just being there an hour before and everything seemed normal, he had already started to pack up my belongings. So considerate of him :o

I shouldn’t have been so upset given our differences, but I had gotten so use to him being around and our weekend routine. We were basically living together and just a few weeks before he had asked me to officially move in with him. But, I knew the honeymoon phrase would end eventually and I was super creeped out that his apartment was decorated with items left behind from his exes. All I could think was one day I was going to be another ghost which is mainly why I was afraid if I did move in with him I would be thrown to the curb when we broke up like the others, which is exactly what happened.

So, I guess the point of this story is never get to comfortable in a relationship, never move in with someone before at least a year together , never compromise who you are to be with someone (they obviously aren’t the right one) and never dump someone via text and be offended when they call you an asshole, because you are.

Los Angeles Men

It’s hard to meet new people anywhere, but Los Angeles is a city where your car is a second home. Going out takes planning, taxis are hard to find, public transportation is a joke and drunk driving is common. Dating someone who lives 10 miles away means driving at least forty minutes, add in traffic, it could take more than an hour.

Finding a guy in LA who likes you just the way you are is like going to Cabo to ski. It’s fucking impossible!!! There are exceptions, but they seem to always have more baggage than any metrosexual hipster struggling actor who doesn’t realize he is not famous.

The exceptions:

1.) Divorced with kids – They will commit, but they have major baggage. Kids, an ex-wife, they usually live in the suburbs to be closer to their kid(s). Most of their free time if not all revolves around the kid(s). How well does he get along with the ex? Why did they break up?

2.) Never married, no kids, 35 or older (for some reason they usually live in Santa Monica and in the same apartment since college) – They are very nice and polite, usually a bit boring, but they have major commitment issues. Their longest relationship is usually less than 2 years or more than 4 years. Run away immediately! Don’t believe the line “I just haven’t met the one.” He probably did meet her, they are still friends, he still loves her and he regrets not proposing to her because he hasn’t met someone like her since (including you).

3.)Paper Perfect – He’s not bad looking, great chemistry, is financially stable, has a house, no kids, but you aren’t attracted to him and just want to be friends. He’s totally into you and therefore you can’t be friends. 

Other basics:

If he seems to good to be true, he will break your heart.

Trust your first impression.

If you go dutch before monogamy, he’s either poor, cheap or an asshole. Sometimes all three.

I have a better chance of winning the lotto than finding a good man.

Wish me luck.

An Aussie Named Tommy Lee

Two weeks before Christmas, Summer and I were once again at Bar Marmont. Summer had struck up a conversation with Tommy Lee, a 29 year old, musician visiting from Australia who we thought was gay. He was the perfect distraction from her recent breakup. They spent much of the night dissecting text messages from Summer’s latest ex.

At 2am, after many drinks, Summer and Tommy Lee started making out at the bar which lead to a happy ending in the ladies bathroom.  Turned out he wasn’t gay.

Being the designated driver for the night, I offered to drop Tommy Lee off at his hotel on Rodeo Drive. It should have been a fifteen drive, but thanks to Summer’s advice to just go straight we ended up in San Pedro at 4am. By sunrise we were in Beverly Hills.